My Story

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I grew up in a lovely rural village with an older sister, Mum & Dad.  We didn't have a lot of money but that didn't matter … apart from when my Dad spent the Christmas present money!  

It was loving and warm one minute … and hostile and scary the next.  My Dad was often out, but when he was in his moods were up and down.  Sometimes we got teased to the point he would slap us to calm down.  He would also insult us verbally.  Then afterwards, we were made to give him a kiss and make up.  Am not sure which was worse, it was a rollercoaster of a time.

My sister and I grew wary and sensitive of people.  We developed instinctive, survival antennae in order to assess the situation and work out if it was safe.  I think she was better at this than me.  Unfortunately I hung around to learn from my Dad how relationships work and how to measure my self-worth!

*I learned that relationships are one-way and to put in a lot of effort for very little return.

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*I learned that I wasn't worth my Dad's time and hence I wasn't worthy.

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*I learned that if a person says 'I love you' but acts in a different way, this is acceptable.

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This is such an impressionable stage of life and the lessons I learned became my core values which can still plague me today, if I allow them to …

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My 'picker' for romantic love was definitely broken.  I attempted to conjure something special from nothing, always thinking I needed to put all the effort it.  Then when I received very little in return, I was accepting and couldn't understand why I was left feeling dissatisfied. 

I measured a person's depth of feeling by what they said and made allowances for what they did.  This left me feeling even more undervalued and reinforced the core values of my childhood.

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It's not all bad though, there are many great qualities and skills I have learned as a result of how I was brought up.  I am intuitive and can sense when people are in need.  I also feel empathy and can relate to others because I know what it is like to feel bad about myself.  I also have an aptitude for selecting good friends.

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I wanted to choose a vocation which helped others and therefore I started volunteering in different organisations i.e. Victim support, Rape Crisis, and a local homeless hostel.  I went on to be a Crisis worker for Rape Crisis and an Emotional well-being worker for a 16-18 year old education provider. 

I also got the opportunity to work with young offenders to try to get them back into work, training or education.  Following this I wanted to achieve a formal qualification so I completed a Masters degree in Social work and spent two years working in the field of Child Protection.

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I lapped up training resources and research in emotional well-being and learned about the power of the mind.  I read the works of Eckhart Tolle, Daniel Goleman, Bruce Perry, Joe Dispenza, Brene Brown and Ulrich.E.Dupree to name a few. 

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Eventually after a string of unfulfilling and depleting relationships I sought the help of a Life Coach who I am still in contact with now.  I worked with them for over a year and they helped me to link in with my younger self as well as my current inner self.  I had lost touch with both and needed to find my way back. 

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I was diagnosed with breast cancer and got through treatment with the help of daily affirmations and gratitudes.  I trained my mind to pick out even just one positive in every situation.  There is always at least one and I guarantee your mind will run with this technique if you introduce it.

I am now a Social worker of 10+ years and have worked with many families.  I strive to help, respect and empower them.  I also try to reframe situations, instil hope and highlight how they can make positive changes.

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I learned to listen to my gut instinct – it got louder the more in-tune I became with myself.

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I became aware of the negative self-talk running through my head on continual loop, and pressed stop on that shit!

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I recently got out of a very triggering relationship in which I wasn't feeling loved but old core beliefs were vying for control, and said to persevere.  Fortunately I've had an upgrade to the alarm system on my gut instinct and it got louder and louder to the point that I could no longer ignore it.  Albeit sad, I felt liberated very quickly after the decision had been made.

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The relationships with my family are still undergoing some change and this can be difficult but I still choose to have them in my life rather than not at all. 

I try to be kind and accepting of myself and the journey I am on.  There are days when this is easier and days when it needs more attention.  I try to give this because I know that if my mind is healthy, I am in a better position to deal with the task of living.